One of my favourite little books is called ‘Children’s Letters to God’. It does what it says on the tin. And one letter in particular came to mind this week:
Dear GOD, Maybe Cain and Abel would not kill each other so much if they had their own rooms. It works with my brother. -Larry
Although the story of Cain and Abel was read a few weeks ago, it seems our Biblical ancestors hadn’t made a huge amount of progress by the time brothers Esau and Jacob were born. Though it’s comforting to know we had made some progress by the time Brooke and Jacob were born. I’m not sure what the biblical bedroom arrangement was like, but it is clear that Esau and Jacob would probably both have benefitted from being raised a little bit more like our B’nei mitzvah twins; being seen as their own people, and being loved and respected by both their parents, rather than being chosen as one’s favourite due to their differing traits and passions.
Esau and Jacob are presented in the Genesis narrative, and the commentators who have wrestled with their story for thousands of years, as opposing archetypes. Rather than celebrating that they have both a hunter and a farmer to support the household, Isaac and Rebecca each nurture and devote themselves to one child, and their parenting seems to be a huge contributing factor to the stresses and strains of the brothers jealousy, competition and Jacobs sly trickery against his brother.
The events of Toldot set in motion not only years of estrangement between Rebecca’s sons, but thousands of years of intercommunal fighting and trauma. Esau over time becomes associated in Jewish texts with great nations that oppressed Jews, such as Rome and Christendom, despite the fact that in many ways it is Jacob that appears to be the bully and the victor.
Meanwhile, in the Christian world, many commentators saw themselves as the hero Jacob, and Judaism as the hard done by brother, unable to fully take his place in history. The impact of this one dysfunctional family has provided thousands of years of analysis and mirroring of the brothers tense relationship onto other situations. I wonder if the descendants of Brooke and Jacob will be able to do the opposite, and create generations who relish their individuality and unique contributions.
Some Jewish commentators suggested that the opposites the brothers inhabit are symbolic of the physical world (Esau) and the spiritual world (Jacob). But for me one of the great strengths of Judaism is the emphasis on ensuring we work in our lives to balance the physical and the spiritual; the working week and Shabbat, 6 years of farming one year of sabbatical, the shift from the spirituality of Yom Kippur straight into the physicality of Sukkot – neither one is bad, both are necessary, and each needs balancing with the other.
On a meta level, it seems that Jacob and Esau come to represent some kind of eternal human struggle, perhaps the struggle we all face to make the balancing act of life work. It will be a few weeks of Torah readings before Esau and Jacob are able to come back together and make peace with one another, just as Isaac and Ishmael had done before them. Sadly not even separate bedrooms could help Cain and Abel at this point. I wonder if young Larry has an important point though. We need to appreciate the fullness of both the material and the spiritual in life. They both need their own bedrooms in our hearts. Both offer us different elements of meaning and growth in life, and can be appreciated in their own right. Similarly in the case of the brothers, their parents could have celebrated them both as unique individuals, who together contributed their own different skills and talents to the household.
Brooke and Jacob you represent the complete opposite of the way not just twins, but any individuals should be treated. Every life is made Betzelem Elohim, in the image of God, and not only do they have something to contribute, but we learn more about ourselves when faced with difference than when we exist in an echo chamber or self-reinforcing ideas.
Toldot, meaning generations, is perhaps a chance to remember that to strengthen the generations to come, we need to celebrate every individual and the skills, talents and diversity they add to the whole. They don’t need to bring the same things to the table, indeed we are strengthened if they don’t, but finding ways to hold all our diversity will be key to making it work going forward.
One of the greatest challenges of our age is working out how to disagree well. Esau and Jacob show us how to do this badly, with manipulation and deceit and driven purely by self interest. Brooke and Jacob you know how to do this much much better… yes there are occasional clashes, but you always create space for each other, and allow one another to thrive in their difference, while finding times to be super silly together. The power of recognising the individual in all their uniqueness cannot be underestimated, and our desire to shout our rightness rather than listen to many approaches is creating deeper and deeper clashes, mirroring the age old clash of Jacob and Esau. My prayer is that it is your generation Jacob and Brooke, who can lead the way in breaking these cycles, and helping us all move into an age of separate bedrooms, but shared hopes and values.
May this be God’s will
Venomar
Amen
