We have only just finished the first out of 5 services. (And instead of going home you now have my sermon too!)
One of the opportunities Yom Kippur offers us is to do Teshuvah, to turn or return to our true and best selves. But sometimes we go through the motion of familiar and loved prayers but don’t reach our inner selves.
What stops us? Sometimes, it is the psychological anchors within ourselves that hold us back if we don’t face and address them during this magical and holy day.
One of those anchors is the feeling of guilt. The feeling of guilt is such a powerful force in our lives. Many of us feel it when we have done wrong or when we think we have done wrong or when others force that feeling on us.
The Rabbis created the whole structure of prayers for forgiveness and confessions in Yom Kippur services so that through repentance we can channel our destructive feelings of guilt into a positive and constructive energy which results in actions leading towards reconciliation or resolution.
There is special magic in doing our confessions together today. We might not have committed any of the sins specified in our Machzor but surely each of us has got to do Heshbon Hanefesh – accountability of our souls. When we do Heshbon HaNefesh we align ourselves with our moral and ethical values as “Klal Israel” – a Yiddish phrase that refers to us as one community.
When we repent for the sins we have not committed we are there for those members who have. It is during the Slichot prayers when we feel that we belong to something bigger than ourselves and we commit ourselves to remain true to the ethical and moral values of our ancient tradition. Each of us reminded about the special relationship with our God and us being God’s children too.
Rabbi Lawrence Hoffman believes that it is what “Jewish tradition has overwhelmingly urged us to take cognizance [kOgnezens] of both our nobility and our expressive individualism.
And expressive individualism it is when each of us face our own guilt and fears. Some of us feel guilty sometimes, some of us – never, and some of us – all the time.
As poet Philip Larkin subtly observed in his poem “This be the verse”:
They [mess] you up, your mum and dad.
They may not mean to, but they do.
They fill you with the faults they had
And add some extra, just for you.
How many times did you hear from your parents: “Be careful!” When you were little going to play with your friends, when you grew up and were going out, when you drove your car and did something adventurous. I said this to my son many times!
Jorge Bucay, an Argentinian Jewish gestalt therapist and writer, believes that it is better to tell our children to have good fun and to enjoy themselves rather than seed the fear in their heart about the dangers that await them in the world. It is important that children learn how to be careful for their own sake and not because they will hurt their parents if something happens to them . It is important for each of us to do the right thing by ourselves first and then by our loved ones and our community.
At times we feel guilty for what we have done and what we have not done, for the broken relationships with our parents and our children, for the conversations we didn’t handle well and we didn’t have; for being cowards when we needed to be brave, for being dishonest, for being shallow – the list is truly endless as it is unique to each of us.
But can we please right now imagine our life without the feeling of guilt. What would it feel like? What changes would that bring into your life?
As Rabbi Salanter reminds us the change comes from within ourselves and only then we change the world around us.
When our soul is free from the burden of guilt, it starts facing our fears. As often the feeling of guilt is the result of repressed emotions and our inability or avoidance of facing fears. What would our lives look like without guilt AND fear?
The difficult conversation with your partner, parent, child, friend or work-colleague you avoided for years would take place, the reconciliation you feared might not have happened, might take place; the habits you wanted to get rid of will stop as you won’t need to comfort eat or drink to numb yourself; the new beginning you were scared of because of the fear of change might bring you many blessings, love and joy.
We can be proactive Creators of our lives and can exercise that noble power at will.
And you can be there for other people and inspire them to live their lives guilt and fear free too.
Eliezer Ayalon’s mum did it for her son at the most dramatic and tragic moment in their lives. Eliezer vividly remembers in his book Cup of Honey the day he saw his family for the last time:
[When my mum and my sister Chaya accompanied me to the gate of the Ghetto I said:]
“Mama, maybe it would be best if I remain in the ghetto with you. No matter what happens, we should stay together, don’t you agree?”
My mother pleaded with me…: “if there is anyone in the family with a chance to survive, it is you,” she whispered. “Please don’t miss this opportunity. I think it is beshet, meant to be.”
My mother turned to me and handed me the cup she had been carrying. She began to cry silently and hugged me tightly. She said: “Take this little cup with you. You will have a sweet life, my [darling].”
She put the cup in my hand…I was shocked. Of all things, the cup was full of honey. Who could find honey these days? I hadn’t seen any in years…
I turned without a word and headed for the gate…I looked back at my mother and sister. By now, my mother was trying to smile and I knew she wanted me to see her with a smile on her face. I turned, walked through the gate and out of the ghetto.
This act of maternal courage and love inspired Eliezer Ayalon to stay alive and to channel his trauma and grief for his whole family in a very positive way. May it inspires us today to lift our spirits and our souls to new levels of inner freedom and creativity.
For our freedom,
For our healing,
For our lives free of guilt and fear
We ask for your blessing, the Eternal One.
Give us courage, give us strength and give us the power to free ourselves today.
