Yesterday we closed a difficult and for some of us a traumatic year as Jewish people:
October 7th touched most of our hearts and lives and at times in a very different way – depending on where you are on the Israeli-Palestinian spectrum you are.
Many of us have been concerned or even scared by the reports of rising antisemitism in the UK, in our schools and in universities’ campuses around the world.
Well, the end of the year didn’t go down very quietly either with news of the Israeli ground offence into Lebanon and the Iranian air attack in retaliation. Will Middle Eastern events and the war in Israel have direct or indirect repercussions for us? And on top of it the economic situation in the UK – what’s going to happen this winter, ah? And last but not least our own personal lives that we have to consider!
So, how can we face the reality and process our experiences individually at the same time as being supportive of each other as a community? So that as a result of these 10 days work we will make this year a good one and will come out at the end of it even stronger, more powerful and even more hopeful for the future.
Community is such a big word, it includes in it so many individuals like you and me. So, before we can be there for other people, each of us need to use the next 10 holy days to address the issues we tried to avoid addressing or the traumas of the last year we might not like to face.
The editors of Machzor Ruach Chadashah asks us that very question: “But how can we [change]?”[1] How can we make sure that this year, regardless of what it is going to bring us going to be a good year?
The Machzor continues: “Is not our future already determined by our past – by the goals we have pursued, the habits we have formed, the relationships we have established, the countless choices, great and small, which we have made over the years?”[2]
But “However, strong may be the shackles of our past, we can break its hold. We can change course and so escape from the sequence of events which we ourselves have set in motion.” – the prayer concludes.[3]
The authors of Machzor Ruach Chadashah suggest that Teshuvah is the tool we need. Teshuvah can enable us to liberate ourselves from our past and so “avert the destiny to which it would otherwise lead.”[4]
Teshuvah is translated into English as repentance. The Hebrew meaning of the word provides us with understanding of the psychology behind this process.
The Hebrew word לשוב means to return but also revert and become[5]. So if we return to the experiences we try to run away from or don’t wish to face them, then we can revert to our own destiny and become stronger, more powerful and resilient.
Jorge Bucay, Argentinian gestalt psychotherapist and writer, in his book “Letters for Claudia”[6] explains that our lives are like photos that we take. They consist of backgrounds and figures in front of it. And our focus can change with every photo: different details on the photo can become central at different points. We are ready to deal with different details on the photos of our lives depending on where we are in our life.
We tend to deal with the day to day problems leaving serious issues or situations which need addressing in the background: bad habits, broken relationships, personal frustration, boredom, loss of loved ones, dissatisfaction with our work, you name it. It can be in our background for as long as we wish but is it good for us? And can we truly make the difference to our new year and our lives if we choose yet again not to address in Bucai’s words those big “figures”?
According to the well-known phenomenon called Zeigarnik effect we have a tendency to remember interrupted or incomplete tasks or events more easily than tasks that have been completed. It is called after its founder the Russian psychiatrist and psychologist Bluma Zeigarnik. This phenomenon has been studied a lot since the 90s.[7]
What it means to us in practical terms is that everything in our life’s background which has not been addressed yet keeps us anchored from moving forward. It does not allow us to leave the past in the past.
So, now is the time for us as individuals to turn to all the situations and conversations we avoided over the years and start facing them one by one (not all at the same time!). Even if you address one of those long-term problems, dilemmas or conversations that need to take place, you will give yourself a better start this year. Those problems might be old or new ones but lets bring them into our focus and face them.
For example, after living away from my family for more than 20 years and having a good balance of visiting my family in Belarus and them coming over here I had to face a difficult change in that situation, which I avoided dealing with for the last 5 years.
I saw my mum this summer for the first time in 4,5 years. It is because she has not been well and wasn’t able to fly to Georgia, where I have been meeting with my family now due to the current situation in Belarus and war in Ukraine.
When I saw her this summer I realised how much she had changed over the last 5 years and that regardless of my many efforts she might not be able to come to London soon. So, I don’t want to but I have to face this situation at this point in my life and figure out what I can do to be there for my family but also loyal to my community, which has become my family. It is not an easy one but I choose to start facing it now.
Only when we start addressing our background figures one by one and deal with them, regardless of the emotional, mental and physical efforts it might require, we will grow and be able to be there for each other as a community. It is because we know that each of us has unique problems to address but we can all support each other on that journey.
This year might not be an easy one for us but I am sure that together we will overcome any challenges which will come our way. It is because we are prepared to face them. The world might feel like a very narrow bridge but together we will cross it safely.
Shanah Tovah u’Metukah – looking forward to sharing some crunchy apples dipped into the sweet honey with you at the Kiddush!
[1] Machzor Ruach Chadashah, 2003, p.286.
[2] Ibid;
[3] Ibid
[4] Ibid
[5] 501 Hebrew verbs, Barron’s foreign language guides, 2018, p.718.
[6] Letters for Claudia, Russian publication, АСТ, 2014, Letter 16.
[7] To learn more about it please visit this website: https://www.simplypsychology.org/zeigarnik-effect.html
